Youth

Depression: A tale with no ends; Words of a teenager!

“That was hard stupid.”, I almost cried.
“Have you ever heard of depression that isn’t hard and rough? I ain’t fucking you bitch that you ask me to go slow. I’m fucking killing you!”, she exclaimed.
And for another night, I was victimized by depression.
“You never leave me alone! Why do you love me so much?”, I ask her in astonishment.
“Oh you douche-bag! Haven’t you heard that true love is meant to fall apart? It’s hate that hold us together. The more you hate, the more you chase.”, she smirked.
“So for how long you are here?”
“For your entire fucking life!”, she twitches my soul.
My heart goes racing, while my chest heaves for relief. I lay down holding on to the bed-covers, clenching them hard in my fists. 
“I don’t wanna be here. I just fucking wanna run away or just end up everything. This shit is killing me everyday, moreover choking me every minute.”, I breakdown into tears. 
Unlike other nights, that are merely melancholic I turn this one scary. Today, I scream on top my voice, with tears drenching my face. I tell you, it’s difficult to bear with depression. For a few seconds you shall wonder about your life, tracing your smiles back, while in the other minute you will breakdown into bits of tinted glass. 
*tinted glass?*
Yes! Tinted glass. It hurts you twice, actually it hurts you again and again. You breakdown, turning fragile and then shatter into bits of tinted glass. And then those fragile bits hurt you more. The more you break, the more sharp they become. Mind you! Smaller too. Too small for you to figure out. I breakdown once again, for the thirtieth time.
“I’m stuck here for the rest of my life. I want to get out of this, but I fucking can’t. No! I didn’t choose this. It chose me. It doesn’t fuck, it kills. It isn’t life you can end, it’s depression you can’t get out of.”, I cry again.
*Just go to sleep. You will be fine.*
*There’s nothing like depression. It’s a myth!*
*You will get out of this. It shall end one day. Just don’t think too much.*
*Be happy and choose your life. You may confide in me. Things will fall into place.*
“Do this! Do that! Ah! I don’t wanna fucking do anything. This is a fucking scandal I can’t get out of.”, I close my ears.
I scratch myself hard with my nails; hard enough to tear my skin. With my skin bleeding and heart crying, I constrain myself into the corner of bed, lying numb. Folding my legs, and wrapping my arms around them, I lie there clueless. With swollen eyes, dried cheeks and a dead soul I wonder about life that’s hard for me to reach. A life, that’s happy, a life that awaits my presence, a life that wanna fuck me, moreover a life that loves me. I feel like quitting things, running away from everything that exists, including me. Yes! I want to run away from myself too. May be things will be fine next morning. May be someone will lend me a shoulder instead of advice. May be I won’t wake up tomorrow. 
“I wish this was the last night. I don’t want to go through this cycle again.”, I make a wish to the falling star. Not the one in the sky, but the one I dropped from my eye; the star of hope.

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