I am not the one who talks a lot, rather, I’m the one that talks as little as possible, a person who won’t disturb you if you are busy, who won’t call you up in case you are with friends, and one would silently wish you to be happy. Was it wrong of me to do this? And if it is, then I’m sorry, you should leave because I am like this and I won’t change myself, I’d rather stay like this because I love being like this. I am an introvert, and even if I would want to change myself, I just can’t. I don’t talk much to people, but the ones who I talk to, I wouldn’t want them to leave me because it breaks my heart. I don’t have many friends, but when I consider you as my friend, I don’t want you to walk out on me. It feels bad but I can’t help it. People do that too often. I’m used to it, used to feeling that pain of people walking over your feelings, your emotions. It’s okay if you don’t understand how I feel because no one does, it’s just that, I have had a bad habit of expecting that they will, someday, and there’s no one who proved me wrong until now, so I guess I should learn to stop expecting, maybe then I can finally be happy? I don’t know because happiness is not for me, I know that very well. This hope, these expectations, they are destroying me in a way that I can’t explain. They are taking away my energy, my time and my peace of mind. I can’t think of anything else and this is wrong. I know that this is wrong but I can’t do it right even if I try to. These things are eating me up alive and I can’t do anything except let them eat me up like that. I am clueless what to do next. I just want some people around with whom I can strike a conversation, who don’t let me feel alone, who don’t let me think of all these things. But I have to do this all alone, I have to be my own company, I have to keep myself happy. It will take time but I can do that for myself.
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